Unanswered Questions

What is it that you’ve never quite managed to understand? Is it abandonment? How someone can love someone (or at least profess it), and go away from them forever? Is it selfishness, with its apparent lack of caring? Perhaps its intentional cruelty. ‘Why’ is a fruitless journey down a dark and lonely road. I know, I’ve spent a lot of time there. Not that ‘Acceptance’ is a field of wild flowers, but if you lie there long enough, you feel its peace.

I guess, what I’ve ultimately failed to understand, is greed. If my taking too much leaves not enough for you, why would I do that? If everyone took only what they could use, excess would be unnecessary. It must be fueled by fear of scarcity, which I *can* understand. I grew up sometimes hungry, when my parents were drinking and that’s all that mattered. I might have grown up to be a hoarder, but fear is a darkness I can’t live with. Fear is a heavy blanket over whatever Light is trying to reach you and it cannot be thrown off or pushed aside ~ you cannot wrestle free of it. Fear traps you like an animal, in its stultifying blackness. Exhausted from the effort, you stop struggling and lay quietly, surrendered to your fate. Sad and powerfully lonely, you have no further questions, because all life’s answers are meaningless.

LBM 9/22/2019