Truly heartbreaking. He was lost even before your dad died, sounds like. Some people, family or no, just seem to drift, un-moored, in a place we can't reach them. It was good of you to try, and sad Jay couldn't respond. Deep down, he might be sorry too. I'm so sorry (i have an older brother who has a hard time having me in his life. It's not personal, I'm beginning to understand).