To Embrace Both Sides

tree yoga, photo credit Doug McCray

Only someone who has lived totally immersed in duality can decry it. I grew up with raging alcoholics, and when my mother died, her sister took me in, and tried to get me proper. Took me to church, taught me some manners (my hedonistic parents failed at this task), and cautioned me to keep my problems to myself.

As I stood in the middle, a brand new 11, wondering how to balance these disparities, I decided neither one of them would suit me. Hold nothing back, hold everything in ~ I didn’t know what ‘normal’ looked like. Out of confusion, and later despair, I learned to mask my feelings to protect myself. I was funny and entertaining but I was not real. I sent everything vital underground, for safekeeping.

I almost lost it all, all my treasures, what makes me precious but I survived, and it came back to me. Whole, all of a piece. Able to see both at once, without confusion. It is a gift I daily cherish. Try as I might, I can’t take sides. I look and listen for merit. If I can’t find it, I move along.

Now I am free to choose what I believe, how I’ll respond, what I deem ‘appropriate’. Now I am free to walk away, claim my stance, or stake a stand to guard my treasures. Now I am free.

LBM 8/17/2018

--

--

--

Photographer, Poet, Musician, Mother, Mystic, Gardener, friend of wild creatures, swan whisperer. Find me on Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wingthing/

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

The Tale of the Free Gift

Milestone: Why You Should Follow Your Gut, Not Others

Success Is Personal.

“What would you do if you were millionaire? ”

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than…

How You Resist Becoming More and What to Do About It

Stop the Clock — I want to Get Off!

Saying Goodbye Healing the Loss of a Pet

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Lori McCray

Lori McCray

Photographer, Poet, Musician, Mother, Mystic, Gardener, friend of wild creatures, swan whisperer. Find me on Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wingthing/

More from Medium

Grateful More For The Sad Songs

On Trying to Concretize Abstract Thoughts

The Illusion of Time