Some thoughts on freedom
I thought, during this time of loss and loneliness, I would be writing a lot of poems but alas, I seem to be rendered speechless (keep in mind I have direction dyslexia). But after a run in with the chipmunks in the garden yesterday (Chip and Dale, who are adorable in cartoons, not so much devouring what you’ve planted) I realized that no one is free who has not mastered the fine art of choosing how they will respond. I want to be free more than anything, and yet I act without thinking, I re-act, and am at the mercy of my knee jerk emotions and past experience. This is not masterful. I am not free. How to step back and reflect, in the moment? Dunno. I am very aware. I see myself doing it, which is the kicker. Like Paul says in the Bible, the things I want to do I don’t and the things I don’t want to do, I do (paraphrased). Oy. The grace of God, then. Of ourselves, we will keep choosing the same agitation/aggravation/escalation, landing in the same pit.
It’s not as elegant as a poem but they are words put together, and I feel slightly lighter than before so I thank you for listening. Oh, and this was the epiphanic moment from the chipmunk escapade. When we stopped running and chasing (i had a broom or something in my clutch, I may have used it if I’d been even close to finding them, lol. So tiny, they went in different directions and disappeared!) one of them sat above me on the fence post and just stared at me, for a long time. It was the most intense eye contact, and I began to feel horrible about my anger, and apologized. And I understand why people can beat someone up, or kill someone in a war, because you haven’t looked deeply into the person’s eyes and seen their soul, and recognized them as fellow sentient beings, just trying to survive. A tiny little creature with a big lesson.
LBM 7/4/2019
