One Day At A Time
The long awaited Peonies, battered by relentless rain, will now have to cope with scorching sun. The long awaited cygnets, stalked by Heron and tormented by geese, can’t even come to visit me and the long awaited place of peace I have slowly arrived at, painstaking journey, arduous work, is restless and sullen; not exactly agitated but not quite as accepting.
I want perfect Peonies and visits with my babies. I want my son to keep in better touch and my hair to be better behaved (hair looms large in my personal mythology. Like Samson, some sort of power seems linked up with it. My mother cut it short, I looked like a boy, but it can’t be just that).
I’m guessing the loss of peacefulness hooks up with the phrase “I want.” I mostly want what I have and what I get. I find a way to be ok with it, because it is what it is and my fussing will not change it. The Peonies are perfect and the babies are safely out of sight. My hair can be cut when and if I’m ready and my peace cannot be stolen from me. I will not return to that black abyss, no matter what happens around me because I choose to be at peace. One day at a time, one choice after another, even in disappointment, choose peace.
LBM 6/4/2021
