My Name is Love
My name is Love. Has always been Love and will always be Love. My name was never ‘Stupid’. My father was mistaken. Born to parents who would not understand me I tried to teach them, but they were busy doing other things. I understood they didn’t care to understand. This was my first and deepest wound. I didn’t understand it. “Why have a child at all if you can’t welcome it? Why can’t you love me? What have I done?”
So I believed that I was stupid because it explained the lack of love, at least a little (I think they loved me. I say that now but as a child, I looked for clues, I searched relentlessly. It wouldn’t have taken much: “We bought your favorite cereal.” Or, “Let’s all go to the zoo!” Dad promised me the zoo but never meant it. Why would he lie? I still believe what people tell me! Sure I’m naive, but I can’t go through life suspicious).
My name was only given to me recently. My true name. The name we gave our son at birth who, ironically, seems to not believe it. Offering the gift I’d always wanted, I thought he’d be delighted, but he views the world a little bit suspiciously. I’m not convinced he fully trusts me. If the house was on fire and I told him to jump, I think he might stand there and argue, refuting my assessment. Yet I have proven myself completely trustworthy!
The most beautiful name in all the world was given to me at birth, and I am finally claiming it! My true name is Love, my soul has known from the beginning (tried hard to remind me, wept at my confusion, discouraged by my hostility). Before you die, right up to the last moment of drawing your last breath, you still have time. Learn your true name.
LBM 2/19/18 (for my dear friend Juanita, with Love). xo
