Sure, 
I was insolent ~
I felt forsaken.
Discarded.
Punished and
unworthy.
Banished (not by my 
peers, my overlords. I have 
always had awesome peers).

I was confused. Quiet, when
I should have spoken. Mouthy,
when I should have just shut up.
I was angry. Apologetic (just be nice)
Repentant (it kept returning)
Helpless (waiting for rescue)
Hopeless (nobody's coming)
Full of despair

Insolent

Even Jesus couldn't reach me in my
loneliness. Touched me deeply,
several times but I was too guarded,
too cynical, and God as father left me
with more questions than I had answers ~
I just gave up on it.

There was a corner turned, seems obvious
now, but I don't remember when or how
or why or who was with me. Maybe in the
hospital, when I woke up and was still here
(oh, the bitter disappointment).

My counselors showed me the face of God,
how Love doesn't *have* to be earned, it's
not about merit (despite my effort, I was
always falling short. Messing up, hurting
people, making big mistakes).
Corner turned, I learned to lighten up a bit.
I got out of jail (the card was in my pocket)
and embraced my worth and innocence.
Free at last ~ all that changed was my
thinking (and beliefs).

I have never been unworthy. I have always
been lovable. I deserve happiness. Life is a
blessing, not a curse and I can now use my
words to support and protect me, to uplift
and inspire and nurture others, and to give
glory to God who sustains, by some miracle,
even those who think they have no need of
Him. Never alone, though the mind says
otherwise. Never discarded or unloved or
unimportant. Everyone, everything, matters.
Live that, believing ~

LBM  1/21/2024