Lessons Learned

I used to think I was being punished, when things went wrong.

I deserved to be punished for my mistakes.

Punishment never taught me to be better. Never showed me

how to do better. Never inspired me to even want to.

Punishment pissed me off, and resentment only teaches more

resentment. A hamster wheel, hard to get out of.

Last night I went to bed earlier than early. When I woke up,

I couldn’t move. Not one way or the other. I called for Doug,

who tried to swing my legs over the side of the bed. Mistake.

“No swinging,” I grimaced, through gritted teeth. It was a

rough night. A night like childbirth, where you pray for it to

be over (I didn’t do drugs).

This morning I asked Doug for the Birch branch (taller than

both of us), which he cut from our dead tree (Gypsy Moths.

Beloved tree). He knew without asking that I’d want it.

Doug went to work, said call if I needed him and the branch

is a new appendage, a buddy to lean on. And here’s the poem:

I was foolish and the price is unremitting pain. I was foolish,

and I didn’t think and am suffering the consequence. I was

foolish and I should have waited and asked for help. I took

on too much because my mind thinks I’m invincible (my body

knows better).

I was foolish but am practicing forgiveness. I am not being

punished. I am practicing compassion. I am learning to

make wiser choices. I was foolish, but was trying to right a

conundrum. I am not wrong or bad or inclined to be stupid.

I was foolish, I got hurt. Lesson learned. The teacher said,

“It’s ok to ask for help.” The lesson was taught by love.

LBM 5/15/2023