January Thaw
I was born on a cold day. Dark, maybe. Snow, perhaps. I was the effect of a carnal cause. Inconvenient. Needy, noisy, nuisance (babies are demandingly intrusive).
When Scott was born, the world was full of color. The Autumn sun offered its blessing and we were viscerally happy. I loved with a feral protectiveness. Born into love, loved deeply and dearly, wanted and welcomed, Scotty was the gift who introduced me to my own preciousness.
I didn’t ask to be born, I didn’t want to be here, didn’t understand why I couldn’t be happy, didn’t deserve happiness, but I kept at it until I didn’t care, didn’t think it mattered, didn’t have the strength to call for help, didn’t think anyone was listening. Didn’t know what to do or who to turn to.
I do now. By the grace of God, on this, the day that I was born, I do now.
LBM 1/7/2022
