Follow the Brave Heart’s Light

It’s endearing, how the mind protects the heart. Yesterday at the pond, Bella&Buzz came to me together. First time, since she’s been brooding. Naturally I scanned for cygnets but there were none. My mind said, ever so calmly, “This may be the end of things right here.” They ate with gusto, Buzz hogging, which William would never do. I love Buzz, and I miss William. I sure do feel their resemblance.
I watched them leave, winding through the reeds, to see if Bella jumped back up onto her nest. It seemed demolished, from where I stood. The mind interjected, “Thieves and marauders.” I almost couldn’t breathe, at the thought of it. Sitting in the cold relentless rain (April *is* the cruelest month) and not one baby? Hasn’t she been through enough? But as I moved closer, I realized I’d been looking in the wrong place. Up she hopped and sat and calmly preened while Buzz patrolled. I yelled, “I Love You, Stay Safe!” as is my custom, and drove to the other end to see if Bonnie&Clyde had taken off. Clyde was alone, which may mean Bonnie’s brooding. The mind said (just trying to prepare me, you understand), “They will kill each other’s cygnets.” I had a lovely chat with a gentleman out walking and ignored it. The mind is a beneficial servant but a lousy master. Given too much power, it will suck the heart right out of things. I appreciate how it looks out for me (“Um, you may be looking at disaster”). Given I’m so naive, and how I hate to be disappointed. I realized how loss still brings me to my knees. My heart slams shut like a trap door; nothing in, nothing out, and the mind, a little smug, says quietly, “Love has its price.”
When I thought the cygnets had been killed, my mind decided to be done with this. No more ties to wild creatures, who cannot be controlled. No more worrying about the weather, the health of the pond, the predators, the interlopers.
The heart, strong as it is, winces and goes on. It may or may not know what’s coming but it takes it all in stride and won’t turn back. Like a mother, sitting on her clutch of eggs, faithful guardian of the gift she’s been entrusted with. Instinct, Love, call it what you will. Life is lived by and from the heart. When the cygnets hatch and cheep for food, the mind kneels and bows, knowing it could never create such beauty.

LBM 5/9/2019