All I Ever Wanted
I’m tired of people laying down their law for me. Keep your ridiculousness to yourself. If only my heart were bigger, I could entertain fools more graciously. There is wisdom in kindness. Truth in compassion. Even the arrogant know Beauty when they see it. Love is the very bedrock of any and every law, in my book. I’ve no respect for invented realities.
Let’s all pretend that White horse is Purple. Well, it isn’t, and I won’t and you can’t make me. When my father disappointed me for the hundredth time and I blurted out, “I hate him”, my aunt Leora told me I didn’t. Quoted Bible passages about Love. She meant well, bless her, but I learned that “nice” has a price, that only nice is acceptable, and I had a whole lot of “not nice” to kill off quietly and quickly.
My parents drank. Out-nastied one another in their hateful haze of loosened civility and I heard it all. Cleaned all the broken dishes in the morning, not any of it nice. I learned to smile and pretend and keep my sorrow to myself (my father was masterful at this, even at his wife’s coffin).
This morning as I was sitting where Maxie sat, missing her, Doug scooted down and sat with me. His head on my head, his arm around me, and if I hadn’t been weepy already, that surely would have done it. Such a beautiful gesture. I see your great sadness, and I have come to join you in it. Not to talk you out of it. Not to explain it away by logic. Not to shame, judge, belittle or distract you. I join you, wordlessly, in Love, so you can feel my presence and be comforted. So you will know you aren’t alone.
LBM 6/15/2019
